August is the month of our Annual General Piss Up (AGPU) where, if we are lucky, we might get an erection. We then appoint the collection of misfits, drunks and perverts called the Mismanagement team. The current team and a brief description of what they are supposed to do (oh, how we wish!) and a short summary of the individual’s relationship with alcohol follows;
Grand Master (GM) – No No I’m Not Your Bitch!
The GM is our figurehead (who said head?), our leader, our Master of Ceremonies. Once the trail has finished and we’re quenching our thirst with beer, it’s time for the circle. The GM runs the circle, ensuring the most tuneless experience possible. Unfortunately, No No doesn’t currently partake of the amber nectar but that’s ok, the other Mismanagement members drink his share!
Religious Adviser (The Monk) – Sherpa
The keeper of the sacred Laws of Hashing. He is always right, even when wrong. Responsible for ensuring good weather at our runs although has been known to fail occasionally; usually blames the hares for not bribing him with beer (MUST be San Miguel Light, or you are in big trouble!). At naming ceremonies he will don his cassock and peaked biretta before formally baptising the newly named hasher.
Hash Cash – Tight Arse
Hash Cash can usually be seen dashing about trying to get cheap bastards to part with a few pesos. Traditionally Hash funds subsidise the Christmas Bash and support the purchase of hasherdabbery. We also make occasional donations to charity. Tight Arse can often be seen partaking of her favourite bottle (or two!) of red wine. Occasionally brings the ‘gin kit’ (a huge beverage dispenser with copious amounts of gin and tonic) to liven up the circle.
Assistant Hash Cash – Facial Attraction
Helps out when Hash Cash is absent, simply late or on one of her regular jaunts, jet-setting across the planet. Facial likes apple flavoured beer and margarita although has been known to drink tequila and sometimes annoys her husband by going on the Red Horse.
Hasherdabber – Yummy Chopper (also joint Hash Flash)
An expert on fashion, responsible for the design, procurement, warehousing and merchandising of Hash apparel such as shirts, patches, hapi coats and trinkets (known, of course, as Hasherdabbery). Her artistic tendancies mean she is also joint Hash Flash, taking dozens of pics of the run for publication on Social Media. Yummy likes to drink apple beer although has been known to extend her habit to other types of booze.
Hare Razor – Furnicator
Responsible for developing the schedule of hares, often seen trying to persuade hashers to take up the duty for upcumming runs. To be avoided if you don’t want to hare a run in the near future. Furnicator often gets lost on trail, particularly when hare, but this is directly a result of the confusion caused to him by abstaining from alcohol.
Grand Master Detritus – Disco Dick (also joint Hash Flash)
According to The Hash Bible, the title of GM Detritus is bestowed on older, highly experienced hashers who may not be able to run any longer, but gave many years service to the hash. Disco is also joint Hash Flash and likes to drink a lot of beer, brandy and gin, often together!
On-Sec – Busted Dick (also Assistant GM)
The number cruncher, organiser, webmeister and keeper of records. Spends many hours staring at a computer monitor or just with beer/cider/wine/brandy/tequila/gin in hand, staring into space. Takes the blame when things don’t work out the way you want them to. As Assistant GM, Helps out with the circle when the GM is unavailable.